do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
handjob tips. give me some.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
