Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
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Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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