420 ftw
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize