so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
