Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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