Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
