The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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