part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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