I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
