Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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