My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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