I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
