i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
