the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize