the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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