hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
PANTIES FOUND
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
