Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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