My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
