her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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