Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
