she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
