somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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