I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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