The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
