So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You dont lie about slip and slides
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
