If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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