SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In other news, I just burned my penis
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
