I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
