I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am mentally ready for anal.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
