Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
