I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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