You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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