I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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