I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
