I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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