i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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