Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
