idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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