this just has baby written all over it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
