And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
