Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
