My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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