dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
