My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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