the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
