Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
