i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
