Whod you bang
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
