Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Randomize
