Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
