i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
