How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
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please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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