You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's never too late to be topless.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
