lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
