Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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