Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories