how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
