I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult