Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications

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  (732): everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications http://tfl.nu/d1qr
  Replies (21) Good night (7446) Bad night (778)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?

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  (406): Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack... (303): Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c? http://tfl.nu/og73
  Replies (16) Good night (5590) Bad night (1258)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.

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  (904): Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon. http://tfl.nu/n05i
  Replies (9) Good night (3716) Bad night (1098)
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  (805): View more from California

  bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me

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  (805): bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me http://tfl.nu/f5bj
  Replies (7) Good night (1006) Bad night (3040)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.

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  (701): Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy. http://tfl.nu/k5h7
  Replies (6) Good night (1289) Bad night (896)
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  (310): View more from California

  I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.

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  (310): I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer. http://tfl.nu/s9s7
  Replies (6) Good night (2673) Bad night (1036)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.

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  (606): at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk. http://tfl.nu/jf5g
  Replies (11) Good night (616) Bad night (3738)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.

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  (928): Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment. http://tfl.nu/kmtk
  Replies (10) Good night (737) Bad night (1248)
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  (331): View more from Illinois

  DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME

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  (331): DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME http://tfl.nu/8t0w
  Replies (7) Good night (2817) Bad night (643)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...

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  (910): Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history... http://tfl.nu/c2a0
  Replies (2) Good night (841) Bad night (475)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.

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  (720): Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence. http://tfl.nu/jsvt
  Replies (9) Good night (1057) Bad night (477)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before

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  (407): You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before http://tfl.nu/cygr
  Replies (15) Good night (460) Bad night (1075)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?

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  (301): Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with? http://tfl.nu/cqjc
  Replies (18) Good night (401) Bad night (730)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live

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  (402): You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live http://tfl.nu/nu1y
  Replies (0) Good night (346) Bad night (526)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman

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  (937): honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman http://tfl.nu/c0vg
  Replies (0) Good night (410) Bad night (225)

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