i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
