please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm