What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think people are normalizing furries
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
