Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
