Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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