Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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