so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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