I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
