Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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