His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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