you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
