I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
