Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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