She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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